Breaking: In Earth-Shattering Turn of Events, Assembly Passes Hogan Redistricting Legislation*
Entrenched Partisan Interests Set Aside as Marylanders Cheer The Restoration of Free and Fair Elections
ANNAPOLIS, MD – In a stunning rebuke of status-quo partisan politics, the Maryland General Assembly today sent Senate Bill 90 and Senate Bill 91 directly to Governor Larry Hogan’s desk. The bills abruptly and unexpectedly end Maryland’s distinction of having the most gerrymandered districts in America.
“Wait, what?” Governor Hogan asked upon coming into his office and seeing the bills on his desk. “Here I thought they were going to leave our legislation in a drawer, and they just went and did the right thing. This is the most bipartisan, common sense solution to come out of the General Assembly in the 243-year history of our state. We are truly changing Maryland – and maps – for the better!”
Governor Hogan has been fighting for redistricting reform since before he became governor. He fulfilled a campaign promise by creating a bipartisan redistricting reform commission, and for four years in a row, he has introduced non-partisan redistricting reform legislation. It has never even been brought up for a vote on the floor – until now.
“Must have been my star turn with Schwarzenegger. Had to be that,” Hogan, the newly crowned recipient of the Maryland International Film Festival-Hagerstown Mendez Award, said. “I’m even thinking of having all our state highway signs changed from, ‘Welcome to Maryland, We’re Open for Business’ to ‘Welcome to Maryland, We’re Closed to Gerrymandering.’”
*The headline and what follows are satire, but this issue is just the opposite. Representative democracy is older than our republic itself. Governor Hogan is asking for an up-or-down vote on his redistricting legislation. That vote comes down to a simple question: are you for partisan gerrymandering or are you for free and fair elections?